


Repossessed House For Sale

by StarlightSystem



Series: Transcendence AU [20]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Transcendence (Gravity Falls), Ficlet, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-22 10:16:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22281304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarlightSystem/pseuds/StarlightSystem
Summary: Myrtle is convinced that her new house is haunted. The demon who's been living there for 300 years thinks so too.
Series: Transcendence AU [20]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1372192
Comments: 10
Kudos: 134
Collections: TAU Discord Recs





	Repossessed House For Sale

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AlviePines](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlviePines/gifts).



> The [prompt](https://alviepines.tumblr.com/post/190276405270/badjokesbyjeff-my-roommate-says-our-house-is) was "My roommate says our house is haunted, but I've been living here 300 years and haven't noticed shit."

“Okay, what’s happened so far?”

Myrtle scrambled for the notepad, which, as it turned out, she had been sitting on. “A bunch of stuff! The TV keeps turning on and playing Ducktective in the middle of the night; there’s always an empty bottle of wine next to the bathtub; I keep hearing a sound like someone’s playing a violin in another room but there’s no one there; all of my pens look like someone’s chewed on them -- like this one here, eugh!”

“Uh...” The housing agent, Zell, just stared at Myrtle as she spluttered and swatted at invisible things in the air. “So... what do you want us to do about it?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” she spat. “I need a new house -- this one’s haunted!”

“Listen, those are all really strange things -”

“Yeah, they are!”

Zell sighed. “Yes, I understand, but it’s not that easy. I can’t just break your contract for something like this. Let’s be honest, the house probably isn’t _actually_ haunted.”

“Oh, it’s haunted alright,” said a smartly-dressed man who chose that moment to walk through the wall. “Trust me, I’ve been living here for 300 years. I’d know.”

Zell dropped both his jaw and his phone. Myrtle jumped up and started gesticulating wildly at the man. “See? _See_? What did I tell you? Spooky ghost man in my house!”

“I will concede, though,” the man continued, showing off two rows of razor sharp teeth as he spoke, “that it wasn’t haunted until recently. It used to be I could just watch cartoons and have relaxing baths whenever I wanted. But starting a few days ago, someone started doing all the crossword puzzles I’d leave out. I’d come home in the morning and the slaughtered animals I’d gotten in deals would’ve been thrown out. And suddenly the walls are covered in creepy boy band posters -- I could swear the eyes follow my every move!”

“Hey! They’re not creepy!” Myrtle shouted. “Jumpin Tinderpond is a major hottie! And I _had_ to throw out that gazelle carcass -- it was rotting!”

The man scrunched up his face and a pair of dark wings flared out from his lower back. “I was letting it ripen before I ate it! And by the way _sooooorrrryyyy_ that you don’t like it when I practice the violin, but I have to keep my skills sharp because people are constantly making ridiculous deals with me like `oooh I’m a human, if I beat you at the violin then I get to be king of the penguins in Antarctica which means my mortal life will finally have value`. Give me a break!”

“Go play the violin for the penguins, then! Then I won’t have to hear you crying through the walls every day -- at least I assume that’s you!”

“Oh yeah? Well at least I don’t leave a trail of toenail clippings out of the bathroom and up to the fridge!”

The two of them growled and butted heads. “You’re moving out!” they both yelled.

There was a thump, and they looked up. Zell was lying on the ground, passed out. There was a long silence.

“Wanna draw on his face?” the man finally asked.

“Yeah. I really do,” Myrtle responded. She handed him one of the busted pens and they started doodling. “So I guess this place really isn’t haunted, is it? It’s just been you doing all of this stuff?”

“Uhh... depends on how you define haunted. I’ve technically been dead for hundreds of years. But I bought this house fair and square 300 years ago! Just goes to show how rude real estate agents are these days -- selling homes that already belong to people.”

Myrtle laughed. “Yeah, that’s how they get ya. Well, sorry that I sort of moved into your house. I’m Myrtle, by the way. What’s your name?”

He smiled. “I’m Alcor. For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t a hundred percent mind having a roommate. As long as we set up some roommate boundaries.”

Myrtle crossed her arms. “Yeah. Sure. If you stop leaving out rotting animal corpses, I’ll stop shutting off the TV service when you watch cartoons at night.”

He gaped. “That was _you_? I thought- I thought-”

“What?” She smirked at him. “That the house was haunted?”

He chuckled. “Yeah. Basically. But yeah, I could do that. It’s a deal.”

(Zell woke up hours later in bed at his own home. One half of his face was covered in an incredibly detailed recreation of the Mona Lisa. The other half had crudely drawn cat whiskers and fur on it, and was signed with a little picture of a star with a top hat.)


End file.
